“Thanks for letting me know and yes, I’ll consider applying again in the future.” I heard myself telling the interviewer as I hung up the phone. She was phoning to let me know that although I was a strong candidate for the position, I was not selected for the job. Inside, I was shouting, “What do you mean I was a strong candidate?” In my mind, I was THE BEST CANDIDATE. I had all the credentials, the knowledge and experience to do the job and yet, I was not selected.
I really wanted this job too. It was located in a sleepy beach town on the west coast, with offices overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Since the interview had gone very well, I’d started checking out the homes in the area to see what I could afford with the higher salary I’d be receiving. The homes were small, but I figured I could make it work. At night, I’d dream of beach bonfires and sipping coffee next to the fireplace on chilly evenings. Yeah, I had this job in the bag (or so I thought).
My heart skipped a beat as I noticed the caller ID when my phone beeped. It was the call I’d been waiting on. They said they’d be notifying the selected candidate in 2 days and this was the second day. I picked up the phone on the 3rd ring because I didn’t want to seem too 
anxious, but I must’ve pressed the wrong button because we were disconnected. As I debated calling back, the phone rang again. She began with the professional pleasantries of thanking me for my interest in their company and went on to tell me that there were over 90 applicants for the position. She said I was one of five who had been interviewed. At this point, I knew the direction the conversation was going, so I sat down at my kitchen counter to receive the bad news. Her next words were sort of like the adults on the Charlie Brown cartoons, “Waa Waa Waa Waa….You had impressive credentials…. waaa waa…unfortunately we decided to go with another candidate…waa waa.”
Talking about disappointment! I was thoroughly disappointed! This was supposed to be my job, how dare they give it to someone else? Didn’t they know how much time I’d invested in preparing for the interview and all the brain power that went into those day dreams about my next big adventure?
So there I stood in the kitchen, feeling rejected, disappointed and thoroughly disgusted with myself for not landing that job. I’m not gonna lie, I may have shed a tear or two because I really believed that was my job! After having a 15-minute pity party, I did something that life has taught me so well to do….I GOT OVER IT!
Getting over disappointment is hard and like anything else, it takes some practice. Unfortunately, disappointments happen to some people more than others, but they really do happen to everybody. There are big disappointments and small disappointments and an important life skill is knowing how to get over them.
Here are 5 steps to get over disappointment:
Step 1: Recognize the emotion
Disappointments come in all shapes and sizes and you may feel an array of emotions when something unfortunate happens. If someone wrongs you, you feel anger; if you missed an opportunity, you feel disappointed, or if a loved one comes for a visit, you feel happy. The thing to know is that we are a “feeling” being and emotions are a part of life. Recognize the disappointment feeling and know that it will pass.
Step 2: Give yourself permission to feel
As I said in Step 1, recognize the emotion and then, step 2: Feel It. With any negative emotion, such as disappointment, anger or sadness, the thing to remember is to feel it – not live in it! Give yourself a time limit to feel the disappointment. Some would say you can’t put a time limit on negative emotions, I say “hogwash!” When we are healthy, we can control how we feel – with practice.
Try it! The next time you feel sad, mad or disappointed; say to yourself, “I’m giving this feeling 10 minutes of my time.” After 10 minutes, practice an activity that has made you feel better in the past. Go for a walk, talk to a friend, bake a cake, etc. This “feel good” activity will make you forget about those negative feeling and place you in a better state of mind. (Refrain from drugs or alcohol in this step because they may bring additional problems.)
Step 3: Look for the Silver Lining
Does every situation have a silver lining? Probably – if you look hard enough. That’s the thing about silver linings, they may not always be evident at first. Once we let the disappointment set in and the dust settle, we may then be able to see a silver lining of the situation. Yes, I really wanted to move out to California, but the silver lining of the situation is that now I don’t have to figure out how to persuade my mother to visit because she’s convinced that a big Earthquake is on the horizon for the California coast.
Step 4: Look for the Lesson
After I examined my interview and reviewed my resume, I realized that there was nothing more I could’ve done to secure that position. I put my best foot forward and still someone was selected over me. The lesson I learned – This was not my job! If this job was meant for me, I would’ve gotten it. I’m sure there will be other positions that I’m qualified for and won’t get, but there are positions and opportunities that I will get because that’s how the cookie crumbles. Just don’t give up and know that your time is coming!
Step 5: Turn the page
Life is full of ups and downs. The key is knowing how to ride the roller-coaster of life and when to turn the page. Turning the page means not getting stuck on the coulda, shoulda, wouldas. There was nothing more I could have done to secure the position, so there’s absolutely no reason for me to keep dwelling on it (except to write this post). As a matter of fact, I’ve already turned the page because I have three other interviews lined up this month. If I had kept thinking about that lost opportunity, I wouldn’t have been open for other opportunities.
Knowing that life will throw you a curve ball every now and then, better prepares you for the next time in the batter’s box. Keep your head down, elbows up and eyes open to be ready for your next disappointment.
Great info! Easier said than done, but so possible! Thank you.
Love this … “get over it”, drives me nuts. I hear parents say that, ugh!
Disappointment can be crippling for a lot of people. Thanks for these actionable tips!
Very well written! Disappointment is really hard. It helps me to also think that it wasn’t meant to be, and something better is coming!
Well thought out post! All parents should teach children how to work through the inevitable disappointment and your post is a good starting point!
One thing I have learned is to always look for the silver lining. There can be a positive found in most situations. There are lesson to be learned to better yourself.
Yes! It can be so hard, but finding that silver lining and turning the page are so important so you can be open to receiving the good things that are undoubtedly coming your way!
I love your tips and insight into trying to get over the disappointment of things in our lives that we have no control over, it can be hard but the first step is realizing…you have no control over what has happened! Thank you for sharing!
I think we have all had a phone conversation like you described! I love the steps to get over it!
Accepting that something wasn’t meant for us, even when we had convinced ourselves that it was, it not always easy. But once you can look at it that way, it’s much easier to let it go.
My grandson recently had a big balloon he got for his birthday get away as soon as we left the building. We had to go through these steps to get him moving on. Thank you for sharing!
This is such a great lesson. Great post and I am going to tuck it away for when I need it with my kiddos.
These are all great suggestions to deal with disappointment. Thank you for sharing
This is always such good advice, and I can usually follow it. I sometimes need to get a good night’s sleep before I’m really ready to let go of a dream and decide there is something better around the corner, though.
Thanks for sharing some great ideas.
I say, it’s their loss.
And, Doris Day’s singing in my head, ‘Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be …’
This is really helpful in understanding that there is a process in getting over a disappointment. Thanks!
Great read, and a good reminder that we aren’t always going to get what we want.
What a great topic. I like the part that says to allow yourself to feel it. Sometimes we are told we need to just pull ourselves up and get over it. I do like to think that when I am disappointed in something that something better is on the way!
This is huge. So many people can not get past their negative feelings! Thanks!
This is PERFECT advice; I LOVE it!
What a let down! Sorry you didn’t get it. I hope not getting this job opens you up to an even more perfect position for you. Thanks for the tips on getting over disappointment!
Great tips to get over disappointment. It’s such a struggle for so many people at times.
I love this post! Anytime I never got a job I wanted I would tell myself “rejection is gods protection” now I have a great job 🙂
Oh I love that quote,Rejection is God’s Protection”. That is an excellent way of looking at things.
Recognizing & acknowledgment of feelings is paramount to dealing with them. Great suggestions (and probably better than what I always told my daughter…put your big girl panties on and deal 🙂 ). Thanks for sharing this!
Believe me, I say that sometimes too….to myself especially!
These are great- especially trying to put a time limit on feeling the disappointment. I’m trying to teach this to my son (and of course have to remind myself of this sometimes too!), because sometimes he’ll mope about something little for days!
These are great tips! It’s hard to look for the silver lining after a disappointment. But it’s always there!
We’ve all felt disappointment at some point in our lives. Learning to recognize the lesson in those disappointments is a great learning tool for coping with all of the emotions that go along with feeling disappointed. Great information here!
I can empathize and in so many ways. It’s easier said than done. How do I get over it? Lots of tears, then move on (as painful as it is). Its like a game of hockey you just keep shooting the pucking until one goes in…and SCORE!
Amen on the hockey analogy….
Great post. Disappointments are so hard. I always tell myself whats meant to be will be. I really do believe everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it takes a long time before we know the reason, but there is a reason. Thanks for sharing your great tips.
You have a great writing style. I actually got anxious and disappointed when the phone call came. I do love how you stated about giving yourself a time limit. I’ve done that. I said Ok… I’m gonna cry for 15 minutes then I’m moving on. Get it out… Get it over… Agreed…It’s very effective.
Thanks for your kind words. Sometimes its hard to move on, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.
Great read! Especially when helping our children deal with disappointment!
Ah, yes ~ not a stranger to disappointment here and life has given me several opportunities to learn how to deal with it. I love your five points and can’t argue a single one. It takes time to heal and it’s important to acknowledge the reality of what you’re going through in order to understand how to move forward.
Very well written post. Thanks for sharing and reminding me that there’s always something good and a lesson that can be taken from any situation.
Disappointment is very tricky. People do not know how to deal with it. Even as a adult you forget how to deal with it! Thank you!
Great list…my favorite is giving yourself time to feel.
Excellent suggestions for dealing with disappointment! I agree. We can learn from everything that happens to us if we are open to do so! Some of my greatest lessons occurred during times of disappointment.