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Check out Episode 1: Excuse Me! Do I know you? (Jill’s Confession)
In the first episode, Jill confessed to me that she suffered from depression and the only thing I could think of to do at the moment was pray about it. So we prayed right there in the Starbucks booth. Afterwards, we sat for a moment while she composed herself. She took out her MAC compact and patted her nose. I took a good look at this woman now and I suppose I saw a vague resemblance to the Jill Andrews from Algebra class….around the eyes maybe.
I asked her if she still felt like hurting herself. She said she always feels like it, but it wasn’t as intense as it had been that morning. I wanted to believe her. I wanted to say, “Oh that’s good, thanks for the coffee & have a nice life.” I wanted to believe that God took away her depression that quick and she was now upgraded to Jill 2.0. Truth be told, I wanted to be anywhere but in this Starbucks.
That was my first reaction. That part of myself that wanted to go on about my life as if I hadn’t encountered someone in pain. I don’t know about you, but I try to avoid pain, and painful situations, especially someone else’s. I don’t want to see it; I don’t want hear about it and I doggone sure don’t want to be involved in it. So there I was, waging an internal battle within myself, with the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. That devil was saying, “This is not your problem; walk away while you still can.” and the angel was saying, “You have to help her, she’s in pain.” And I was saying, “Why me? Why couldn’t she have looked up and saw somebody else from high school? Someone who has it more together than me. One of her many friends that she used to hang out with in high school? After a minute, which seemed like an hour, another voice spoke and He said, “Do what I would do!” All I could say to this voice was, “OK God.”
As I picked up the confetti scattered across the table, I told Jill that I didn’t feel comfortable letting her go home alone and asked if there was any friends or family that she could stay with for a few days? She said that her mom was in a nursing home in Clearwater, Florida and her brother lived in Jacksonville, but they hadn’t talked in 5 years. I then said, “What about your friends?” To this she replied, “What friends?” She went on to say that her friends finally stopped calling about two years ago when she wouldn’t answer the phone or return any of their phone calls. I asked if anybody came by to check on her and she said no, but she might not have let them in anyway. “What about work friends, would they call to check up on you?“, I asked. She said that she’s self employed and there was no one to check up on her.
Finally, I asked about her sons. She said that her oldest son is in the military deployed to Afghanistan, the middle son was in jail and the youngest son lived with her ex-husband in Houston. I suggested that maybe the youngest son could come stay for a while, but she looked even sadder and said, “he can’t help me; he’s addicted to heroin.”
We sat in silence a while longer. I don’t know what she was thinking, but I was thinking that this could’ve been me. I was thinking that this could’ve been either one of my sisters. I thought that only by the grace of God, none of us were seated in her chair. Don’t get me wrong, we all have our special quirks and idiosyncrasies, but nothing like this.
I thought about how mental illness is so ruthless that it masks itself with such undesirable behaviors to alienate its victims. It’s like in scary movies, the monster can’t attack while people are around. It has to wait until the victim is alone and helpless; therefore, the monster makes his victim behave in mean & nasty ways. It makes them withdraw from everyone who could protect them.
The Mental Illness Bogey Man encourages his victim not answer when friends call, not answer the door when they stop by, not bathe, not clean up after themselves and not to eat. Then when the calls stop, the visits stop and person is alone, he whispers, “you’re worthless, you’re better off dead, nobody will miss you, nobody loves you and you stink.”
The victim knows what is going on but is too weak to fight this Bogey Man. The victim calls him a liar and gets enough strength to call a friend, but too much time had gone by and that person had moved on to other friends. The victim gets weaker and weaker as the Mental Illness Bogey Man sucks the marrow from her bones day by day.
Soon, she goes to the medicine cabinet, collects every pill bottle and brings them to the sink. As the victim runs a bath, she takes the pills and groups them into batches of 5 because they’d be easier to swallow that way. As this is going on, the Mental Illness Bogey man is gleefully whispering, “This is your only choice. This is the only way. Make it easy on yourself. Make it easy on everybody.”
Once the tub is full, the victim lines the 20 piles of pills along the rim of the tub. She then slips into the warm water. All the while, the Mental Illness Bogey man is smiling from ear to ear, whispering softly in its sing-song voice, “no other choice, it’s time to die, no other choice, it’s time to die, no-other-choice.”
Just as she places the first pile of pills in her mouth, the phone rings. She looks at the caller ID and it’s the friend that she’d called earlier returning the call. She picks the phone up and weakly says, “I need help! Please come!” The Mental Illness Bogey man rears back its ugly head and screams, “NOOOOOOOOO!” while he slithers down the toilet bowl.
That is just my thoughts on mental illness and how it twists our perception of who that person really is. As I looked at Jill, I thought about the person she was beyond the depression. I wondered what that person was really like. I wondered if I would like that person or would she be cray cray in other areas as well. Since I couldn’t leave her alone in the Starbucks, I said, “I have a few errands to run, would you mind tagging along?”
At some point, you may be the only friend a person can call; do you answer the phone or let it go to voicemail?
The end of Episode 2
Mental Illness is real folks and it manifests in a variety of ways. According to the American Psychiatric Association, one or two of the below symptoms alone can’t predict a mental illness but may indicate a need for further evaluation. Check on your friends and family members. Shucks, check on yourself too!
- Sleep or appetite changes — Dramatic sleep and appetite changes or decline in personal care
- Mood changes — Rapid or dramatic shifts in emotions or depressed feelings
- Withdrawal — Recent social withdrawal and loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed
- Drop in functioning — An unusual drop in functioning, at school, work or social activities, such as quitting sports, failing in school or difficulty performing familiar tasks
- Problems thinking — Problems with concentration, memory or logical thought and speech that are hard to explain
- Increased sensitivity — Heightened sensitivity to sights, sounds, smells or touch; avoidance of over-stimulating situations
- Apathy — Loss of initiative or desire to participate in any activity
- Feeling disconnected — A vague feeling of being disconnected from oneself or one’s surroundings; a sense of unreality
- Illogical thinking — Unusual or exaggerated beliefs about personal powers to understand meanings or influence events; illogical or “magical” thinking typical of childhood in an adult
- Nervousness — Fear or suspiciousness of others or a strong nervous feeling
- Unusual behavior – Odd, uncharacteristic, peculiar behavior
Come back next week to find out what happens next. If you were me, what would you have done?
What a powerful post! Mental illness is rueless in how it affects people in so many different ways.
Brought me to tears as this story is real to me… I have a special person in my life that suffers with mental illness and I worry every day!
It is sad to see someone suffer from depression. We want to shake them out of it – but it’s not that simple.
Mental illness is devastating and difficult to understand. I have children that struggle with depression. It is real and it can be scary.
It can be very scary and for children who suffer with it, so debilitating. I think the more we educate, the better it’ll be for everyone.
Mental illness is difficult. I hope this article help others understand is real! It is very sad and it is scary.
That was some powerful imagery! I’m looking forward to the next post in this series!
No I am wondering how this story ends! Depression is real!
Depression can manifest in so many ways, so I try to give everyone I encounter a dose of kindness.
I do believe it’s awesome that you prayed for her. You never know what that is doing deep down
Yes ma’am! Prayer works!
Depression can be so hard. It sounds like she had a lot of struggles in her life.
Yes, and sometimes we think those well put together people have it all, but sometimes they’re struggling with battles we couldn’t even imagine.
This gave me chills as I read it. Thank you for shedding a light on a very dark subject.
Thank you for stopping by. Mental illness is a beast of a disease.
Powerful series. Looking forward to the next post. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for stopping by! I appreciate the encouragement!
it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel at times
I know!! I tell my peoples when you can’t see the light, imagine where it would be and go in that direction.
I love reading this story. I also like how you portrayed the mental illness bogey man, very powerful and eye-opening.
So many people suffer in silence and really help is available to all.
Loved the imagery you used here. This can be a tricky situation. Sometimes the desire to help can conflict with personal boundaries. I have been in a similar situation myself recently, and I had to choose my own well being over the other person’s need to talk about an issue that left me feeling drained. He has many friends, family, and lots of support elsewhere, so I was not abandoning him. But still, it’s hard to walk away.
Oh I get it! Boundaries are important for self-preservation. You made the right choice for your own health and well-being.
Damn – that was intense. I felt everything while reading this-it was oh so powerful. Mental illness is real and while there are variations…it an always get to the Bogey man phase and that is no good.
No, it’s not good..The key is to recognize the signs of our loved ones and intervene even if you think you’re being annoying.
Thank you for bringing light to the topic of mental illness. I am actually reading this while messaging with a college friend who has long suffered. We have to be there for our friends and family in need.
Absolutely…It’s a scary thing and friends sometimes don’t get it. Listening goes a long way!
Wow. I would have probably asked her to tag along too. I would be afraid to leave her. It is such a terrifying situation.
I really didn’t want to leave her in that state.
Thank you for bringing awareness to this!
You are very welcomed!
So important to bring this to light and to make people aware of this very serious illness! Terrifying to think of. Very powerfully written. Thank you for the tips for recognizing!
Thank you for stopping by!
its true mental illness distorts perception far more than we often realize. its sad but very real and very important to realize
Thank you for bringing light to such an important topic
You write in a way that draws people in – and that’s important for a post like this. We too often walk on by, like the first passerbys in the story of the Good Samaritan. Your analogy in the bathtub was powerful and something I hope we can all recall when a friend of ours we’ve noticed has been slipping into the background comes to mind. Thanks for being so descriptive and direct.
I know some speak of forces, voices, and images they see… telling them to say and do things they would NEVER do in their right mind. Now I think… ” OK…boogey man…” and I’m starting to understand it more…