Have you ever witnessed a car accident and wondered how it happened? You know, as you are passing by rubber-necking, you say to yourself, “What the heck happened?” Last week, my mom was rear-ended on a straight road in broad daylight. When she called, I asked, “How’d it happen?” She says, “I don’t know, the guy just hit me from behind like he didn’t see me; maybe he fell asleep or something.” All I could do is shake my head because trying to figure out how car accidents happen is one thing I’ll never be able to do. 
As I watched The Killer Inside: The Mind of Aaron Hernandez on Netflix a few days ago, I felt like I was watching a car accident in progress – in slow motion. With each episode, I could see the collision getting closer and closer. And much like the rubber-neckers on the highway after an accident, I couldn’t turn away. As the docu-series concluded, one of my friends said that Aaron Hernandez was a bad seed and destined for jail or the grave.
I disagreed.
As I sat there saddened by the events of this kid’s short-lived life, I thought it a tragedy that his whole life was peppered with a series of collisions caused by people asleep at the wheel. I’m not negating the harm caused by his actions and my heart mourns equally for the families of his victims.
What I am saying is that when kids go un-checked they grow up to be men/women who think they are un-checkable. I know this may be an unpopular opinion, but when does being a football player trumps adequate supervision? When does being a football player trumps being cared for as a person? When does a being a football player trumps following the basic rules of decency? When does being a football player trumps civilized behavior? When does being a football player trumps BREAKING ALL THE RULES OFF THE GRIDIRON? I guess it’s when you’re as good as Aaron Hernandez.
In the docu-series, you see parents, family members, team-mates, friends, coaches, and owners who knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this boy had problems and not one time was he side-lined. When he was drafted in the 4th round, perhaps he paused and considered his behavior, but never once did I see or was it mentioned, in his whole career, someone who looked at him as more than a commodity.
Maybe it was just me, but in this docu-series, I was appalled by the lackadaisical approach to mental health and substance abuse in college sports and in the National Football League. At first glance, mental health support was not obvious in the NFL; but to their credit it is being addressed by the NFL and the NFL Players Association.
Last year they announced a new comprehensive mental health and wellness committee. This committee develops educational programs on mental health for players, teams and players’ family members and collaborates with local and national mental health and suicide prevention organizations to reduce the stigma related to mental health and to promote suicide prevention and awareness.
This a great start, but let’s not keep it a secret! Give my grandson an ESPN story about his favorite player getting help for depression. Let us see Brady, Manning, E. Smith, Garoppolo or Mahomes talk about anxiety, substance abuse, suicidal thoughts and bipolar disorder on a primetime television special. Do they not realize what a tremendous impact this would have on our young boys (hell, on men too)? NFL are you listening?
I started off talking about the choices Aaron Hernandez made that ultimately led to his demise. As I watched the show, I kept saying to myself, “Someone should have seen him – really seen him.” Everyone around was too busy looking at his athletic ability, they totally forgot or willingly chose not to see – him and his hurt, or check him and his foulness. This, among other things, is what caused the mayhem surrounding his life.
Parents of teenagers (boys or girls), tune in to your kids – really see them. Watch out for the signs of mental illness. One or two signs are not indicative of a mental illness, but it should prompt you to have the conversation. According to the Mayo Clinic, the signs of Mental Illness are: Feeling sad or down; confused thinking or reduced ability to concentrate; excessive fears or worries, or extreme feelings of guilt; extreme mood changes of highs and lows; withdrawal from friends and activities; significant tiredness, low energy or problems sleeping; detachment from reality (delusions), paranoia or hallucinations; inability to cope with daily problems or stress; trouble understanding and relating to situations and to people; problems with alcohol or drug use; major changes in eating habits; sex drive changes; excessive anger, hostility or violence and suicidal thinking.
I don’t know how many (or if any) of the football players playing in Superbowl LIV have experienced mental health issues, but I want them to know that they matter beyond the gridiron. I hope they know that their mental health is just as important as their physical health and it’s up to them to stop the madness. REDUCE THE STIGMA & STOP THE MADNESS!
Yes!! I’m on your team with this one. I think athletes are given passes that unintentionally encourage crappy behavior and for some it can spiral to a point they can’t recover from. They are given a lot of money and fame at such a young age, they aren’t mature enough to handle it and that also makes things worse.
Absolutely! With that much fame, they should have someone on their team as an accountability partner to tell them the truth.
If you haven’t seen the movie “Concussion”, you should. It is really interesting, and sad, how the NFL ignored how serious concussions could be, not just in that moment, but for the future health of players. They didn’t want to admit it was a serious problem. It affected the players mentally and physically!
I did and was/still appalled by their head in the sand attitude.
Agreed. We need to pay attention and support those around us because mental illnesses are very real
Great reminder to really value people for who they are!
I’m torn on this because here in Florida we heard a lot more about the things he did while he was in college (and got away with because people kept it hush hush.) And yes, that could have stemmed from mental illness. Concussions are a very serious thing and they need to be taken way more serious on every level in every sport and life in general.
very interesting read.
Great post! Awareness needs to be a priority!
It’s hard to say if any of that could have been preventable, but I definitely believe that mental illness programs need to be ramped up and treated like a regular check up without the stigma early on in life, and parents, coaches, & teachers need to know and look for signs. Great post!
I have followed this case from day one for a couple of reasons. First, I live 5 miles from where the Patriots play. Second, I use to practice criminal law, so criminal trials fascinate me. He did not have an easy childhood. He was treated differently and got away with a lot of things because he could play football. However, this man seemed comfortable in jail. There was no remorse for what he did. I believe him to be a sociopath. Though there is a treatment for this, I am not sure he would have been a candidate for it. I guess we will never know.
Yes, we’ll never know…
Why I’m so glad our son only loved baseball….
I know…This is one time I’m glad I didn’t have any boys.
Great thoughts, something to think about for sure!
You’re making such a powerful point! I hope this message spreads.
Thanks for sharing awareness
I did not see the documentary but I’m glad to have read your insight. Mental health is SO important and often brushed under the rug. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Great read! I didn’t see the documentary but I have heard a lot about it. This perspective on the week before the Superbowl is timely and I appreciate it.
So many parents and fans get carried away by the athletic ability and don’t encourage kids to live up to their potential in other areas or ignore obvious issues.
We have a mental health crisis in the country and more than anything other health crisis, managing it and helping the sufferers could benefit us all and make us all safer!
Wow, awesome article! I agree!
Great read, and very thought provoking.
The effects of football are frightening. Great read!
Thank you for sharing your perspective on this subject!
Really great perspective, and you are absolutely right, sports/movie stars seem to have no boundaries set on them, because they are “special” and because those around them are pretty happy to continue cashing in, at all costs. That’s neither love, friendship nor leadership, it’s greed.
Now that you summarized this episode I really want to binge it! I think you have a lot of valid points. I can’t wait to watch this documentary
Haven’t seen the documentary, but may very well go back and watch it. We lived fairly close for many years and attended training camps with Aaron present. We were shocked to some degree, but not completely, when the various news stories broke.
Have not seen this yet but sounds like I need to.
What a thought provoking post. I’ve heard about the story and I agree mental illness is a serious disease. If left untreated the consequence would be tragic – as is the case of Aaron.
Very thought provoking!