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Thank you for coming back to find out what happened as I entered Jill’s home. This is episode 4 of the story and if you’ve just started reading, you need to go to Episode 1, Episode 2 and Episode 3, to get the full picture.
So let me tell y’all what happened.
I’m from the country and have had my experience with all types of insects, big and small, but when my eyes followed the ant trail into the house, down to the foyer and I looked towards the dining room, it took a minute or so for my brain to register what my eyes were seeing. I think my mind was still on the luxurious exterior of the home with its beautiful landscaping, so when I saw a mountain of discarded To-Go Boxes with chicken bones, half eaten apples, shrimp tails and other unknown food items covered with ants, I darn near had a heart attack. I was so focused on the ant covered mountain of trash that at first, I didn’t notice the stacks upon stacks of magazines piled over in the living room and the bags upon bags of clothes in the adjacent room.
Photo by Salmen Bejaoui on Unsplash
When I turned to find Jill among the mounds of ‘stuff’, she was over in yet another room, clearing a space on the couch for us to sit down. Really?! There was no way in (H-E-Double Hockey Sticks) would I be sitting down anywhere in this house. I immediately went out the front door without saying a single word.
It wasn’t until I was outside, that I realized that I had been holding my breath. When I hit the outside air, I inhaled as deeply as I could, instantly taking in the pleasant odor of the jasmine blooms. I slumped down on the porch steps and put my head between my legs to prevent myself from fainting. I had a teacher told me to do that once when I felt light headed in PE. I heard Jill calling my name from inside the house, but it was as if she was calling to me from a deep, deep hole. I heard her saying something, but I couldn’t understand what she was saying.
Photo by ORNELLA BINNI on Unsplash
I stayed in the head-down position for a while, trying to figure out what I had just witnessed. There was not a single area in the house (downstairs area anyway) that was not cluttered with trash, old clothing or in my opinion – junk. In the brief time that I was in the house, I wondered why my nose didn’t warn me of the impending visual assault. I could only surmise that the many air-fresheners placed among the carnage were doing their job. I had seen homes like this on that television show, Hoarders; however, I was not prepared for what I had seen with my very own eyes.
Its funny how our minds work. It could see something and it not have it register until you’re thinking about something else. While I was seated on the porch, my sub-conscious brought to my attention the magazines that were piled inside had Jill’s face on the cover and they were dated in the early 2000. I wondered what that was all about? Maybe at one time, she’d been a collector, but as the years and mental illness progressed, she had become a hoarder.
Jill came out and sat next to me on the porch and I stood up. I didn’t look at her – couldn’t look at her; I felt – I don’t know – Assaulted, came to mind! She said, “I’m sorry, I guess I should’ve warned you.” YOU THINK!”, I yelled at her. I was visibly upset and started walking to my car. I thought to myself: 1) this chick was 3 fries short of a Happy Meal, 2) her elevator didn’t go all the way to the top and 3) she wasn’t playing with a full deck. What was I supposed to do with that? I had my own crap to deal with.
Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash
I got in my car and fastened my seat belt. When I looked up through my front windshield, I noticed Jill still seated on the porch, inspecting the ant army trailing from her front door. As I was setting the GPS in my phone to get back to my side of town, Jill went in the house and came out with a can of Raid. I watched as she sprayed the ant trail on the porch and all the way to the flower bed. When she was done, she went inside once more and came out with a broom and proceeded to sweep the dead ants away. Lord have mercy on this poor woman was all I could say as I watched her sweeping away the battalion of ants.
The service in the area must’ve been weak because it took a while for the directions to come up. When it finally came in, I stuck my key in the ignition and turned on my car. I guess the sound of the car cranking up, shook Jill out of her reverie, because she looked up and waved. I pulled up closer to the porch and let the window down. I was going to say “Bye Felicia!”, but instead heard the following words coming out of my mouth, “Are you going to go get your shoes or what?”
A huge smile spread across Jill’s face and she ran inside the house to get her athletic shoes. I proceeded to bang my head on the steering wheel, saying, “Why God Why Me!” Of course, I didn’t get an answer, at least not right away. Jill came out a few minutes later in her Adidas track suit and Adidas running shoes. How’d she find that outfit & shoes among all that junk was beyond me – the upstairs must be clean, I guessed.
We rode in silence until I reached I-85. I looked at Jill in my peripheral and noticed she was crying again. I leaned over to open my glove box and took out a few napkins and laid them on the center console. As I drove, Jill took the napkins, wiped her face and blew her nose. I prayed a silent prayer asking God to give me the wisdom to say the right words and the strength to do the right thing.
Since the trip back to my side of town was over an hour, I waited until we were 30 minutes into to the return trip to address the elephant in the car. I jokingly asked Jill if she was in the process of renovating her house. She laughed through her tears at my wise-crack and kept looking out the window. At that point, I decided to share with her my own battle with depression. I told her about my Post-Partum depression and how I felt like I was the only one feeling this overwhelming sense of doom and sadness when I should’ve been feeling joy and gladness.
As I drove, I divulged to her that throughout my post-partum depression, I never let on to my family or friends how I was feeling because I didn’t want to be looked at differently or less than. My post-partum depression lasted for about 2 months and during this time, I faked normalcy. I smiled, laughed and behaved as if I was the epitome of happiness; all the while, miserable inside. I told her that one day as I was driving down a dirt road in my home town, I suddenly felt happy and had peace beyond all understanding.
Photo by Julie Johnson on Unsplash
Nothing had changed in my life, but it felt as if something had changed in my soul. It was like the cloud of depression was lifted and I could breathe like a normal person again. “What happened?”, she asked. I told her that my hormones had probably corrected themselves, but since I’m a believer; I also said I believed that God answered my prayer for health and mental well-being.
I told her that sometimes when we’re sick or hurting, we think God has abandoned us. I felt like that during my depression, but I kept an ounce of faith that He wouldn’t leave me or forsake me. That ounce of faith was enough for me to maintain my sanity and get through my darkest hours. I told Jill that I made it through the darkness knowing that God had something better for me on the other side. In my head, I kept hearing my grandmother saying, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning light”.
Photo by Andreas Dress on Unsplash
That morning light finally came, not with a loud celebration or lots of fanfare; but while I was driving down that dirt road, I started singing to my baby, “You are my Sunshine, My only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey, you never know dear, how much I love you, please don’t take my sunshine away.” I told Jill that as I sang that song, I realized that post-partum depression no longer had a hold of me and that joy had come to my morning light!
This is the end of Episode 4.
Hey y’all, sometimes the easiest thing to do, may not be the right thing to do. It would’ve been soooooo easy for me to leave Jill right there sweeping the ants off on her porch. It didn’t feel right leaving her alone, so I chose the right thing over the easy thing.
In the comments below, tell me what would you have done in that situation? Subscribe today to be notified of what happens next.
You are such a good friend! This story was so interesting to read
Thanks!
I wouldn’t have left either. Great read!
I think leaving would’ve weighed on me terribly. Thanks for reading.
Thank you! Happy Holidays!
Thanks for reading!
This story was so interesting and shows that you are such a lovely person xo
http://www.theninebyivana.blogspot.com
Thank you!
You are so kindhearted! Such a good read, thanks for the encouragement!
Thank you for reading.
This is a great read. We have a family friend who is a hoarder and it’s such a tough mental illness to deal with, and one that a lot of people don’t understand.
Thanks! Hoarding is another mental illness that we don’t generally sympathize with. Its tough on family members.
It can be tough, but we have to sometimes be a mirror for them because in sickness they cannot see.
Loved reading this- sometimes recognizing that you’re in the right place at the right time is not easy. Thank you for sharing!
I have not had a chance to read the first three parts but I was impressed with what you wrote in this post. I have had depression at times in my life but I don’t now. Two reasons: first, like you, I am a believer, and second, I have a master’s degree in mental health and I do therapy on myself as needed. I write a lot about Christianity and Mental Health for my blog. Check it out sometime.
What a beautiful story of strength and resilience and faith. We never know what we will do in a similar situation as we filter it through the lenses of our experiences. Hopefully we all strive to do what’s right and not what’s easy.
Nice story, love the title!
I hope there is another episode. I’ve enjoyed every one of them. You are so compassionate in these tough situations where you are almost cornered. At least that’s the feeling I get when I’m put in these situations.
you are building great and genuine connections with people that most would blow off. Thats angel work.
You are a great storyteller! I’ve got to go back and read the first three episodes now!
What a great story! I love it! For the record, I am a collector!
Great post! You are a true friend… I would have stayed too, holding my breath and hoping to be able to inspire change!
Love your writings, cannot wait till the next episode.
haha I would like to think I’m not a hoarder but who knows 🤷🏻♀️
You’re such a dear friend and an excellent writer too! Enjoyed the story and yes I believe I would have stayed too. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Kindness goes a long way. The feeling of being overwhelmed can make it hard to get things back into order.
I would have answered her call for help and stayed as well. Showing kindness and empathy is so important, more for own Self than for others.
You are so nice. I would have done the same, but some people probably wouldn’t. Very touching story.
Wow, what a great story.
I don’t know if I could have done that! God bless you for helping her in spite of these circumstaces
Your writing is fantastic! You did the right thing to not leave Jill alone, and opening up about your PPD probably made an impression on her as well.
I think I would have gotten a garbage bag and helped her throw away some of the trash away, unless there were other insects in there, but I know that it probably would have just built back up again. My best friend’s mom is a hoarder. Her husband died when she was young and left her with 2 young girls to raise. Money was always tight for her, so she never wanted to throw anything away. My friend is grown now, and her Mom’s 2nd husband just died, and she and her sister are just beside themselves helping their Mom clean and try to get her house ready to sell. Depression is a very interesting disease, and it affects people differently. I’m glad you didn’t leave her alone too. She probably needed to get out of the house.
Jill was definitely lucky to have you come into her life and probably in some ways her into yours. I wouldn’t have left her but it certainly would have been a bit akward.
Also you are a fantastic storyteller.
It’s so hard to know what we would do in situations like this. Thank you for having invited her back along.
It’s not easy to deal with depression. Sometimes I struggle, but I keep moving forward. Depression can feel like a big weight, and taking any action is not easy. I’m glad you were there for your friend. Sometimes that makes all the difference.
I love how you are telling this story. You are a good friend.
Your writing keeps me coming back for more.
this is beautiful I can’t wait for the next episode. I have a client who has issues with hoarding. I got her because she checked in for suicide too. Some people like to attach themselves to objects. It’s from trauma, and they are very challenging to work with. You are an amazing person with a huge heart, and I love that you shared your story with her too.
Good thoughts and good perspective!!
I loved reading this! I am a collector…thank goodness.
I have a family member who is a hoarder and I admit ~ it is difficult to visit, help or even communicate sometimes. Being sensitive to hearing God calling you to act is so important ~ sometimes it blesses you just as much as it does them.