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This is episode 3 of the story. To catch up, go see episode 1: Jill’s Confession and episode 2: The Bogey Man for the entire picture.
When we last left off, I’d asked Jill to hang out with me while I completed some errands. Actually, I didn’t have any more errands to run and had planned on going back home to catch up on This is Us. I had missed a few episodes and wanted to be caught up before the next episode aired. Since I didn’t feel comfortable leaving Jill alone and she didn’t have anyone to contact, I had to think of something to occupy our time.
I told Jill that I wanted to check out a new park that was near my house and since she didn’t have on running shoes, we could go drop her car off and get her shoes. Y’all why did she live an hour and 30 minutes away from the Walmart? If all she wanted to do was pick up some ice cream, she could’ve stopped at the Publix located right on her street.
As we turned down her street, we had to go thru a security gate. Jill had given me the code before we started rolling, so we drove on in and pulled up to her driveway. I don’t know what I expected to see, but was surprised when we pulled up to a house, that could only be called a mini-mansion. It was a beautiful blue Georgian home with white columns and a bright red door. The yard was landscaped with lush green grass and tastefully placed plant groupings scattered throughout; much like the yards I’d just looked at in the magazines at the store.
Jill stopped and waited for me to stop drooling at her yard. As she waited, she sat down on the bench next to door. When I finally walked up, she stayed seated and looked up at me. As I returned her gaze, she asked me to have a seat. Friends, I struggle with patience and know that I’m a work in progress, so don’t judge me when I tell y’all what I said next.
I said (rather harshly), “Jill, this ain’t a social call, let’s just get the flippin’ shoes and get back on the road! We don’t have time to dawdle!” (I used more colorful language, but I want to keep this story clean.)
I regretted my word immediately. I wasn’t in a hurry – I could watch This is Us any time, but you know what was really irking me? I was jealous. Yep, I’ll claim it. I saw her house with the columns and yard with the pretty flowers and the spirit of jealousy came down on me so hard that it shocked me. Rarely do I feel jealous because I know that favor is not fair. What bothered me was that this girl has all the accouterments of a successful life and she didn’t see/couldn’t see how blessed she was. True – she wasn’t married any longer, but she could find love again. True – her sons were off doing their own thing, but they were still alive and reconciliation is still possible. And here she is, willing to throw in the towel because she feels sad. Doesn’t she realize there are people out here who would give all, sell all, steal all to have half of the things she has? As she drives down the street in her BMW X5, can’t she see how good she has it compared to everyone else?
No. No, she can’t. Jill has depression and it’s more than a little sadness every now and then. In fact, it affects how she acts, feels, think, sleep and eat. Depression is a disease, like all the other icky diseases out there. It is no less serious than cancer, high blood pressure, asthma or lupus. Would I be upset if a friend with Sickle Cell or AIDS wanted to throw in the towel? No, I don’t think so. I admonished myself for being upset/jealous/irked/irritated/etc because there really was no reason to be. I apologized to Jill for my harsh words and sat down on the porch.
We sat in silence for a while. It was around noon and there was a breeze in the air. I noticed the jasmine plants blooming on the side of the porch and I deeply inhaled their sweet fragrance. As I sat in the chair looking around, I noticed a small army of black ants marching along the crack under the front door. As I watched, the line got longer and longer until they reached the edge of the porch. I remember wondering what would they do next, but I didn’t have to wonder long. The head ant made a sharp left turn and marched straight into the jasmine bed and underneath some freshly laid pine mulch.
I wanted to wait until Jill made the first move to get up (I was practicing patience), but we had been out there for more than thirty minutes and my stomach was starting to grumble. I said to Jill, “Let’s go get your shoes, so we could go have lunch before we head to the park.” When she turned to look at me, I sensed a nervousness in her demeanor. She sighed and stood up and said, “Ok, let’s do this!’ Almost like gearing herself up for a tremendous challenge. We were only getting shoes.
As Jill was unlocking the door, I was looking down and noticed another army of ants coming from underneath the door. This tiny squadron seemed to come from the opposite side of the front door, but these ants were carrying something. As I bent down to get a closer look, they appeared to be carrying small particles of food. When Jill opened the front door, I soon realized that the ants were indeed carrying food. My eyes followed the ant trail into the foyer and when I finally looked up, I saw something that literally made my heart STOP!
THIS IS THE END OF EPISODE 3.
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For all who are wondering, I did get permission from all involved parties to tell this story. We think it’s important to talk about mental illness because almost everyone is affected by it.
For the full story, click on Episode 1 and Episode 2.
This is amazing honesty and I am absolutely following your blog to read what happens next. Depression and mental illness need to be talked about! It can be debilitating to deal with alone and you are a good friend for reaching out like you did (even with the moment of colorful language! We all have those moments).
Depression is one of those diseases that many people have, but few talk about. We hope to get the conversation started. Thanks for you kind words.
This is such a heartfelt post and will help so many others.
Thank you.
This is the first time for me reading this and I am hooked. Bookmarking this page!
Thanks! Stay tuned; it’s been an interesting ride.
I cant wait for next episode!
This is such a hard topic to talk about! Thanks for bringing it to our attention!
You’re welcomed and Thank you for reading.
Very interesting read, I can’t wait for the next episode!
Thank you.
Such an honest and candid post, depression if untreated is downright dangerous! Beautifully written and a thank you for sharing the true meaning of being there for someone.
Your story is touching and heartfelt. I hope you and those that read this are able to reach out and talk openly when needed. In some cases it can save a life.
I have children who suffer from depression and anxiety. Thank you so much for sharing.
The way you use your words to tell a story is an amazing gift. Thank you for letting your vulnerability show and letting us have a peek behind the curtain. It helps remind me of my word for the year, courage. Thank you!
This is such an inspiring story, I read it from the beginning and I’m so happy Jill saw you at Walmart that day and you have been able to help her. So touching!
I love your honesty in this post. I’m hooked and looking forward to the next episode.
What a great post! This will help others on their journey!
Beautiful writing, cannot wait to hear what happens next…
I can only imagine what you saw next. Can’t wait to read more!
I love the way you present this topic. Its very human and real. You have a great way about things.
I’ve dealt with depression on various levels throughout my life. I describe myself as “high functioning” because I feel like I don’t have the luxury of falling apart completely. But I know the heaviness of dread. I’ve been in bed while my husband made Thanksgiving dinner. I’ve been late to work because of the exhaustion of depression. I can relate.
On the edge of my seat!
You have a gift, friend. Great writing.
love how you;re turning this into a story line so it’s a bit easier to share and to understand. great post!
Wow! What a cliffhanger!!
It’s nice that you are there
Cliff hanger!! Can’t wait to read more!
This is such a hard topic to talk about. I can’t wait to read more. Thanks for sharing.
You’re a great writer…can’t wait to read more! Thanks!
So important to show empathy & compassion always. You never know how powerful an impact it can make in someone’s day.
Such a hard topic that is all around us! Thanks for sharing!
You are so right, that depression is just like diabetes or cancer, but some people still don’t see it that way. People with depression don’t have a choice to just shut it on or off. It’s more than just being sad about something. I want to know what happens next! You do a very good job telling this story.
You’re so right that depression is more than sadness. Sadness usually has a known cause, and can ease naturally with time. Depression comes and goes in waves, on its own schedule. I’m glad you heard your words as they left your mouth and you realized you needed to shift.
I am in suspense about what you saw! Ants symbolize strength when they come around. Sounds like Jill needed strength in her life at that time.
Thank you for such an important message. Such an important topic that doesn’t get talked about often.